Frequently Asked Questions
What are the benefits of mediation?
Mediation is often a more cost-effective alternative to litigating a family matter in court. Also, unlike litigation, the details of your case and settlement remain confidential. Perhaps, most important, with mediation, people can creatively and more thoroughly settle their disputes based on their interests and needs, and in ways in which a judge may be limited, or even prohibited, considering the judge acts within the boundaries of the law.
How long does mediation take?
Mediation sessions are typically scheduled in 2-4 hour blocks of time but can run much longer if the parties and mediator agree. As for the length of the entire process, from intake to drafting a settlement agreement, the answer depends. Often, when there are several issues to mediate (e.g., alimony, child support, custody, division of property), the process takes longer, as there may be multiple sessions, and also several meetings, phone calls, and work performed in between sessions. Similarly, if the people engaging in mediation are high-conflict, the process will take much longer. On the other hand, if parties have fewer issues and/or less overall conflict, the process will not take as long. For example, I’ve had high-conflict, complex mediations last as long as 5 or 6 months. And I’ve had mediations where, perhaps, only child support was at issue, and the parties fairly got along, that finished in a total of 6 hours. To that end, it is important to review, in detail, the terms of any mediator’s Mediation Agreement, so you’re fully informed about the process, including roles, expectations, and costs.
Do we have to be in the same room during mediation?
The Pandemic taught us that many of the things we associated with in-person performance or settings could be achieved virtually with no issue, and that has certainly been the case with mediation. Unsurprisingly, even when COVID-19 restrictions were lifted, in nearly every family matter I mediated, people made clear their preference for meeting virtually, particularly from separate locations where they felt more comfortable engaging in tough conversations. And for the very few who wanted to attend mediation in person, just as I did before the Pandemic, I shuttled back and forth between each person’s room and relayed information.
Since you’re a lawyer, can you provide legal advice during mediation?
Even though I have many years of experience working as a family lawyer in Maryland and the District of Columbia, when serving as a mediator, I am a neutral professional. This means I don’t have an attorney-client relationship with either spouse/parent/person and, among other things, I won’t recommend any legal action that gives one person an advantage over the other. At the same time, I can and will share information about family laws in both the District and Maryland, as well as court procedures, in order to help facilitate agreement.
So if you can’t provide legal advice, should I hire my own lawyer for mediation?
The answer to this question depends on several factors, one being whether you feel comfortable negotiating with the other person. Along these lines, the more issues there are to mediate, some people believe retaining counsel will help them achieve better, more favorable results. It’s also important to note that some people hire family lawyers on a limited basis, to advise them in the background, and help them prepare for but not actually attend mediation.
What happens if we don’t reach an agreement?
Sometimes, despite people’s best intentions, they’re simply too far apart to resolve their issues. If that happens, it may just mean one or both people needs a break, perhaps, for the rest of the day, a few weeks, or even months—whatever time may be necessary for them to cool off and possibly reevaluate their respective positions. And sometimes, a break isn’t helpful, and the only option is to seek assistance from the court. Either way, absent a few scenarios where mediation probably shouldn’t have been considered in the first place, even if a settlement is not reached, that doesn’t mean the mediation was a complete waste of time. Among other things, people often leave mediation with a lot more information and a better understanding of each other’s feelings and motivations surrounding issues, which could be helpful down the road, when considering taking another shot at mediation or possibly even in litigation. Along these lines, some people feel better about having to litigate in court if they know they tried their very best to settle in mediation.
